Finding Family
by TheCrazyUnknown
Summary: Rating is mostly for language. A tomboyish girl runs away from home and finds refuge in the Brooklyn lodging house. One day while writing in her journal, a newsie she hadn't expected to see sits next to her and gives her something just as unexpected.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Newsies is owned by Disney not me. If you want to sue me, fine whatever. All you'll get is my crazy bird.  
  
It was June 21, 1900. I had a horrible day. I decided I was going to leave that night. No on in my house remembered that it was my birthday. I just had to do chores. What kind of a family was this? I should really have been used to not having my presence noticed. After all, I was only acknowledged if something went wrong.  
I packed some clothes, a bottle of my dad's whiskey and cigars, and my journal. I left through the fire escape.  
When I got to the ground, I thought about where to go. I had no idea. Brooklyn was a frightening place to be out on the streets in the dark on my own.  
I wandered around for awhile. When I got tired, I found a nice little alleyway to sleep in. It took me awhile to fall asleep.  
I woke up from the sun and the sounds that were coming from the streets. I yawned and rubbed my eyes.  
I wondered if my family even noticed I was gone. I sighed and stood up. I grabbed my bag of stuff and started to walk.  
I sat down on a bench and took out the whisky. I took a drink. It tasted good. I pulled my suspenders off my shoulders (since my family didn't care much for me, I got all my brother's old clothes) and took out a cigar.  
I lit a match, which I retrieve from my pocket. I lit the cigar I had in my mouth.  
"Extra! Extra!" I heard a boy's voice say. I looked and saw a boy with dark, brown hair holding up some papers. I noticed he had a sling shot hanging from his pocket.  
"How much is the pape?" I said standing up and holding my cigar. I had taken it out of my mouth so I could talk.  
The boy looked at me. He looked tough. He wasn't bad on the eyes either. "A penny, miss," he said with a smirk.  
"What? Can't believe I am a girl? Most guys can't. Here's your penny." I handed him my penny.  
"Want some whiskey or a cigar? Looks to me like you could use a good drink," I said as he handed me my paper. I put my cigar back in my mouth.  
"Sure," the newsie said.  
"My name is Courtney. What's your name?" I said taking my place back on the bench.  
"Cigar, me name is Cigar," the newsie said taking a place on the bench next to me. I handed him a cigar and a match.  
"Nice to meet ya, Cigar. So how's life treating you?" I said as I looked down at the paper. Corpse Found in the Brooklyn River I read the headline on the front page.  
"Pretty good. Da headlines have been pretty good."  
"Yeah, I can see that," I said looking up from the paper.  
"Where are youse headed?" Cigar asked looking at my bag. He put the cigar in his mouth and lit it.  
"I don't know. I left my house last night, and I don't plan on going back. So, I guess I am just looking for a place to spend the night," I said turning back to the paper.  
"Why don't youse come stay at da Brooklyn lodging house? Ise'll have ta talk ta Spot, but wese have room for anudder newsie," Cigar said with a smile.  
"Who's Spot?" I asked curious. I took another long swig of my cigar.  
"He's da leada of us Brooklyn newsies. Ise gotta talk ta him. Before Ise go, I gotta sell all me papes."  
I threw my cigar to the ground and grabbed half his papers. "I'll help you."  
He smiled at me. "Tankz."  
It didn't take long to sell his papers because the headlines were so good. When we were finished, Cigar led me to the Brooklyn Pier. There was a gorgeous guy with brown hair and blue eyes sitting on crates.  
"Heya, Spot. Dis goil needs a place ta stay," Cigar said approaching the guy on the crates.  
"Oh really, and does she expect me ta let 'er stay wit us?" Spot said. He didn't look too thrilled with the idea of me staying.  
"Hey, I don't expect anything from you or anyone else. I am fine on the streets," I said glaring at him. I didn't need anyone's help. I've been on my own most of my life. It didn't need to change now.  
"Sose why are ya here, den?" Spot said looking at me with some curiosity.  
"Ise brought her here, Spot. She's tough. Ise don't tink she'll be a problem," Cigar said looking at up at Spot.  
"Fine, da goil can stay. So what's yer name goil?" Spot said. He jumped down off the crates and stood right in front of me. I am only five feet tall so he and Cigar towered over me.  
"Courtney." I said flatly.  
"Dat won't do, ya need a newsie name," he said. He screwed his face up in concentration. It was funny because it looked like it was causing him pain to think.  
"How about Lightening?" I suggested. He looked at me. "I am quick with movement, plus the guys back home never messed with me because my punch 'stung like lightening' as they put it."  
"Okay. Cigar take Lightenin back to da lodging hose," Spot said turning his attention to Cigar.  
He nodded. "Let's go Lightenin," he said smiling.  
When we got the the lodging house, Cigar took me upstairs and showed me to my bunck. "You sleep here. My bunk is dere," he pointed to the bunk next to mine. "Ise'll Probably be the one wakin youse up. We gets up at da crack a dawn and sell papes."  
I nodded and put my bag of stuff on the bunck. I sat down. I took my journal and a pencil from my bag.  
  
June 22, 1900 Dear Journal,  
I ran away last night. I slept in an alley. It was kinda fun. Well, I met a really cute newsie; his name is Cigar. I also met Spot. He's the leader. He's gorgeous. Well, I am now staying in the lodging house. Write in you later.  
Courtney  
  
"Does every goil have a journal?" I heard Cigar ask. I slammed my journal shut and put it in my pillowcase.  
"I don't know, but mine has been my only friend for awhile," I said it sarcastically, but I really did mean it. I have always been alone with that dumb family that I was unfortunately born into.  
He laughed. "Youse hungry? Lets get some lunch."  
When we finally got back to the lodging house, it was dark out. When we got up too the bunck room, Spot was waiting at my bed.  
"Okay, here's da deal. Ya gets woken up bright an early. Youse sell all your papes; den you can do what yas want as long as youse back by da same time you gots home tonight. Got it?" Spot said to me after I sat on my bed.  
"Yeah, I get it. Cigar told me when we got here. Get the pole outta your ass and have a cigar. Loosen up." I tossed him a cigar.  
He look startled at my comment and caught the cigar taken aback. He put it in his mouth. "Tankz."  
"Yeah, don't mention it. My 'family' is filthy rich. I stole some money before I left. I can always get more cigars," I said as I opened my bag and went through it looking for something to wear to bed.  
"How much?" I heard Spot say. I could tell he was anxious to know.  
"Ten bucks. It should last me awhile."  
"T-ten bucks?" Spot said looking at me with his eyes wide with shock and amazement. He sat next to me. He looked even better close up. Was that really possible?  
I just nodded.  
"Ten bucks?" He repeated grabbing my arm.  
"Yes!" I said loudly as I tore my arm from his grip. "Calm down Spot. Here's a buck if you would get off my bed." I took a dollar out of my pocket.  
Spot took it and stood up. "You don't even need ta sell papes. Youse got enough money ta last ya ova a month."  
I laughed and turned away from him. I took off my shirt and put on the shirt I was going to sleep in. I couldn't wait to sleep since I didn't get much sleep the night before in the alleyway.  
"Good night, Lightenin," I heard Spot's voice say.  
"Yeah, 'night you crazy fool."  
  
"WAKE UP!"  
I jumped up and hit my head on the bunk above me. I looked to see who it was that screamed in my ear. It was Sneak, a cute newsie with blonde hair and green eyes. I have been at the lodging house for about a week and a half now.  
"Thanks, Sneak," I said pushing his laughing face away from me.  
I yawned, stretched, and changed. When I was finished, I grabbed one of my cigars and my journal from my pillowcase. I walked out the door. It was a beautiful day.  
I lit my cigar and I was on my way. With selling papes, I didn't need to use the money I stole from my parents. I saved it all, plus what I didn't spend from my selling money. I didn't know what I was saving for, but I kept saving.  
I didn't feel like selling that day, so I took out my journal and found a bench to sit on.  
  
June 30, 1900 Dear Journal,  
Sorry I haven't written, but I have been busy. I've been selling papes, hanging with "da boys", and flirting of course. You know something, I have taken quite a liking to Spot. He's really nice, well to me anyways. He is kinda harsh to his newsies. Nah, he ain't bad. Anyway, I have been hanging out with Spot. He is so damn arrogant. He defiantly needs a little of an attitude change. We are having a poker night tonight. The boys from Manhattan are coming. I can't wait. It'll be fun. Write in you later!  
Courtney  
  
"What were youse writtin?"  
I slammed my book as I jumped. I looked up to see Spot looking down at me.  
"Is it really your business?" I asked as he sat next to me. He had his hat off so his brown hair was falling in his face. One word: Wow!  
"Yes, youse one a me newsies. Your business, is me business," he said looking strait into my eyes.  
I could feel his blue eyes pierce right through me. "Well tough, I ain't telling you what I wrote." I put my journal back in my pocket. I took a long swig of my cigar. I wasn't looking at Spot, but I felt his eyes on me. Neither of us talked. I just smoked my cigar.  
"You know, youse look so much prettier wit dat cigar outta your mouth," Spot said.  
I jumped and looked at him. "Yeah right. Me pretty? Okay, Spot. You feeling alright?" I wasn't pretty and I knew it. After all, my parents always compared me to my picture perfect sister. She is gorgeous and girly. Guys love her. I am ugly and boyish. Guys fear me.  
"Ise fine. I ain't kiddin. Ise tink your beautiful," Spot said going back to looking me in the eyes. He took the cigar out of my mouth. "Youse have nive green eyes, and yer hair is just da right shade of reddish brown. It looks so beautiful blowin in da wind." He took his hand through my hair.  
I backed up a bit. I was beginning to get freaked, and I knew it was showing on my face. "Spot, you sure you're not dru."  
I couldn't finish my statement because he leaned in and kissed me. 


	2. Chapter 2

I was uncomfortable around Spot now, it weirded me out way too much. Yeah, I liked him, but. Okay, I admit, it was good. Still. Well anyways, that night when the Manhattan boys were over playing poker, I was sitting on my bed drinking some of my whiskey.  
I wanted to write in my journal so I looked at the guys to make sure they weren't looking in my direction, not that they would be anyway, I mean come one, its poker. I am paranoid, so what cha gonna do? I took my journal from my pillow case; I had the pencil inside it marking the page. I started writing right below my last entry since it was the same day.  
  
Later that night Dear Journal,  
Guess what! Spot kissed me, Spot Conlon kissed me. It was so freaking awkward! It was good though. He ran his fingers through my hair and held my face. I was so shocked though. It was bizarre, but still so good. Yeah, I am a little torn, got a problem? When I pulled away, I know I must have had a horrified look on my face. I just walked away. I haven't talked to him since.  
The Manhattan boys are here now. They are having so much fun playing poker. I will write in you later because I kind of want to join. Plus, I don't want anyone to see me writing. Tootles!  
Courtney  
  
"Hey Lightenin, why youse ova dere? Get ova here, youse should be having fun," I heard Spot's voice call from the poker table. I shut my journal and looked over at the table. There was Spot smiling at me and signaling me to come over. I put my journal back into my pillowcase. I looked back over at the poker game; Spot was still looking at me. "Come on, Lightenin. Ise need some luck. I ain't playin so good."  
  
"If you aren't having any luck yet, it's just the way you're playing your hand. I ain't gonna be any help," I said smiling at him evilly.  
  
Spot smirked. "Tankz, Lightenin. Youse should come ova anyways sose I can intraduce ya to da Manhattan boys."  
  
"Fine, I'm coming," I said getting up and walking over. I stood next to Spot and looked around the table. There were a handful of good looking guys with class A looks.  
  
"Dis is Jack Kelly, or Cowboy," Spot said signaling to the guy sitting on the right side of him. He was wearing a red bandana and a cowboy hat around his neck.  
  
"Nice to meet you Jack," I said sticking my hand out to shake his. Instead of shaking my hand, however, he kissed it.  
  
"It's a pleasure meetin such a lovely goil such as yerself," he said smiling at me. I blushed and took my hand back.  
  
"Hey Jackey-boy don't try getting fresh wit 'er. She's one a me newsies. Off limits," Spot said glaring at him.  
  
Jack took his eyes off me and looked at Spot. He sighed. "Spot youse ruin all da fun."  
  
Spot introduced me to the rest of the guys at the table: Mush, Dutchey, Specs, Kid Blink, David, Bumlets, and Racetrack. I was silent through being introduced to the rest because I was embarrassed.  
  
"Uh, do any of you want a cigar?" I asked in a meek voice which was unlike myself. The silence was making me uncomfortable.  
  
"You got cigars?" Racetrack asked me with his eyes wide.  
  
"Yeah, I have whiskey too."  
  
"Can Ise have some whiskey?" Kid Blink said.  
  
"Yeah, sure. I just got to go back to my bunk and get it." I walked back to my bunk. I retrieved my whiskey and cigars from my bag that I still kept all my stuff in.  
  
I walked back to the table. I gave Race his cigar and Kid Blink one of my small flasks of whiskey. I kept the other for myself. "where am I going to sit?" I asked looking around and not seeing any extra chairs.  
  
"Youse can sit on me lap," Jack said smiling.  
  
"What'd Ise tell you Jack?" Spot said angrily.  
  
"Yeah, yeah, Ise know. I is kidding," Jack replyed.  
  
"You can't tell me what to do, Spot." I said as I sat on Jack's lap. Jack put his arms around me to make sure I wouldn't fall. I looked at Spot and stuck out my tongue.  
  
Spot just scawled at me. I drank some of my whiskey. By the end of the night I drank at least seven or eight flasks of my whiskey. I was totally waisted.  
  
I was back on Jack's lap after I retrieved another flask from my bunk. I started laughing uncontrollably for no reason, and Jack said, "Hey me hand ain't dat bad." I just laughed even harder at that comment. I fell out of Jack's lap and hit the floor with a loud thud.  
  
"Youse ok, Lightenin?" I heard a voice ask as I crawled to the washroom, still laughing. When I got into the washroom, I crawled to a sink. But since I wasn't sure of the distance to it, I hit my head hard on the pipe. "Ah, Fuck!" I heard the newsies laugh. I propped myself up on the sink to a sitting position. Spot and Jack walked in.  
  
"Hel-lo," I said in a weird accent.  
  
"Hi?" Spot said questionably.  
  
"Thank you for playing," I said. My words were slurred.  
  
Jack sat next to me. "Youse ok?" He asked looking into my eyes.  
  
"Yeah," I said. I then leaned in and kissed Jack. Jack kissed back. Suddenly he pulled away. I opened my eyes. I saw Spot holding on to Jack's arms pulling him away from me. "Hey, what did that you for do, Spot?" I asked kind of upset.  
  
"Youse drunk," he said letting Jack go.  
  
"No, you're kissed cuz I jealous Jack, and want you me," I said looking up at him.  
  
"Lightenin, let's get youse to yer bed," Jack said helping me up.  
  
"Fine," I said angrily. I had my arm around Jack's neck and he had his arm around my waist nearly carrying me to my bed because I could hardly walk. Spot just had a sour look on his face.  
  
Jack sat me on my bed, and when he let me go I fell right on my pillow. I started cracking up again. "One last kiss?" I asked looking at Jack. Spot was back at the poker table. I grabbed the back of Jack's head and pulled his face to mine. I kissed him again, but this time with tongue. Jack was a really good kisser. He pulled away and went back to the game. After that, I damn near instantly passed out. 


	3. Chapter 3

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhggggggggggg." I woke up the next morning in pain. Man I was so sick, this is why you should never get drunk. I could hardly remember what happened that night anyways.  
I sat up and felt someone staring at me. I looked at the bunk next to mine and saw Spot sitting there looking at me with a look that I couldn't quite make out. "Sleep well Lightenin?" he said looking at me with an evil smiling crossing his face.  
"Ahhhhhg," I groaned. "Damn my head feels like its going to explode." I rubbed my head. Damn did it hurt. It was terrible. I squinted at Spot. "What the hell happened last night? I can hardly remember. All I know is I drank a lot, A LOT, and I know I sat on Jack's lap while you guys were playing poker. Why the hell do I have a huge lump on my head?!" I screamed when I rubbed a spot on my head that was really swollen. Spot started to laugh.  
"Youse really don't remeba do yas?" He said smiling at me. I shook my head, but unfortunately that made it hurt more. "Well youse crawled inta da washroom and hit yer head pretty damn hard on da sink."  
"Oh," I said shortly. I am such a klutz when I am sober; I didn't realize I was that much worse when I was drunk. *sigh*  
  
I was trying to remember what happened last night. I screwed up my face in concentration seeing if I could remember when I hit my head on the sink. Sure enough, I started to remember it: "Ah, Fuck!" I said when I hit my head, and all the newsies laughed. I also started to remember when Jack and Spot came in.. "Holy shit! I kissed Jack last night!" I said startled at myself.  
  
Spot just nodded glaring at me. "I really did? I must have been so wasted. What the HELL was I thinking?" I was more mumbling to myself than talking to Spot. I stopped looking at him and went for my journal. I retrieved it from my pillowcase.  
  
"Youse are always writtin in dat ting," he said with a slight chuckle in his voice.  
  
"You got a problem wit it?? Look, just because I dress and act like a guy most of the time doesn't mean I'm not still a girl! I am entitled to being one ONCE in a while," I said. "Bastard," I mumbled under my breath.  
  
"Did Ise say I had a problem wit it?" he said. "No, sose why did ya freak? I ain't a bastard." He added at the end.  
  
"Spot, can you just leave me be and let me write in my journal? I have a hang over, and I am not in the mood for your nosey ass trying to invade my privacy." I said maliciously.  
  
"Fine, but you ain't aloud outta da lodging house taday," he said standing up.  
  
"And why the hell not!?" I screamed.  
  
"Cuz youse dangerous like dis, I don't want yas hurtin a innocent poisen." Spot smiled and left.  
  
"JACK ASS!!!" I screamed after him. I opened up my journal and took up my pencil.  
  
July 1, 1900 Dear Journal,  
  
Okay, last night I drank a little too much. I was so wasted. I kissed Jack, mind you it was good, but I didn't know what the hell I was doing. Besides, I don't want to hurt Spot's feelings. Wait, maybe I do. Again, I am torn. Damn, seeing him getting all pissed is so fun though. Oh well, I will decide later. Anyways, I am in so much pain. My head might explode. Spot won't let me leave the lodging house because I am apparently "dangerous like this, I don't want innocent people getting hurt". Well, yeah, I guess I can just stay here and sleep. I am in pain so I am going to sleep. Write in you laterish. Tootles!  
  
Courtney  
  
I lied on my bed. I just stared at the bunk above me. I was so freaking bored. What the hell was I going to do? Even though I was kind of sick and not feeling well, I still wanted to do something, and it's not like I can drink my whiskey like I usually do when I am bored. *sigh* I got up and left the lodging house. Fuck Spot! I can go where ever the hell I want. 


	4. Chapter 4

I wanted to go to the Brooklyn Pier, but Spot was sure to be there on his perch on top of the crates. You know what? Who cares? I really wanted to put my feet in the water. Besides, just looking into the water always made me feel better.  
  
I just gave in and went. When I got to the pier, I took off my shoes and rolled up my pants. (roll up your shorts!) I put my feet into the water. I looked out; it was spectacular. It was about one o'clock and the sun was reflecting off the gentle waves. There was a slight breeze. It felt good since it was so hot out. I started to feel better almost instantly because I felt at ease with the water that was around me. I just sighed taking in the beauty. I just sat there looking out into the water and brushing my feet around in it.  
  
I thought about my family. I wondered if they missed me; I doubted it though. Maybe my brother, he was the one who was nicest to me. I loved him. He taught me how to defend myself. Plus, he would comfort me after my parents would yell at me and bruise me for something either he or my sister did. My parents thought Greg and Tracy were perfect and could do no harm. I honestly thought the only thing they would miss is the house always being cleaned since I was the only one willing to clean it.  
  
I could feel tears welling in my eyes. I wanted a real family that cared, someone who really loved me for me. I feared, however, that my journal was my only friend. I bought it with money I stole from my parents. I remember having to sneak out to buy it. They wouldn't get anything for me that was new. You would think with all the money they had, they wouldn't care, but it was quite the contrary.  
  
"What did I do wrong?" I said to myself tears beginning to stream. "Why can't they love me?" I put my face in my hands. "I just don't understand!" I took my hands off my face and hit my knees. I was now crying uncontrollably.  
  
"Lightenin? Youse okay?"  
  
I looked up and saw Spot looking at me seriously concerned. "Yeah, I'm fine," I said looking away and whipping my tears.  
  
"No youse not," I heard him say. He grabbed my shoulders making me look at him. He was now sitting next to me looking into my eyes. "Youse neva cry. Even if ya get beatin inta a pulp."  
  
"Everyone crys, Spot." I said looking away again. I didn't want him to be there. I wanted to cry alone. No body needed to worry about me.  
  
"Yeah, and when dey do it's usually fer a reason." He took one of his hands off my shoulder and grabbed my face and turned it to look at him. His beautiful eyes were staring me down searching for what the source of my despair was.  
  
I couldn't take the look he was giving me so I tore my face from his grip and backed up a bit. "Spot, it doesn't concern you. Please leave me be."  
  
"Oh yes it does! Youse one a me newsies! Ise care for you, Lightenin. Please tell me what's wrong," he said again grabbing my arms and turning me twards him.  
  
I refused to look at him. "Spot, please," I pleaded still crying. I had a sort of defeated sound in my voice. I felt his hands release my shoulders. Instead of leavubg me, however, he wrapped his arms around me in a hug. I didn't bother to break free; I just cried into his chest.  
  
I felt him kiss the top of my head. "Lightenin, it's ok okay. Ise won't let anytin happen to ya. Just tells me what's wrong."  
  
I just looked up at Spot, and he waited. 


	5. Chapter 5

"My family, Spot. That's why I ran away. None of them care about me. Not even my brother, and he taught me how to defend my self and stuff. I hate knowing no one cares. All I have is my journal, and I fear it's all I'll ever have." I looked down letting the tears fall silently into my lap.  
  
"Youse got me, me and da newsies. Wese all care about ya," Spot said. I could feel him looking down at me.  
  
"No, you're lying. You don't care about me. You just want action and you want to prove you can have any girl you want. You made a bet saying you could get me, didn't you?" I looked at him and backed out of his grip.  
  
Spot looked at me appalled and shook his head. "No, Ise mean it when I says Ise care about ya."  
  
"You should have just let me alone." I stood up. "I know you don't care. How could you? Not even my parents care. I'm just and ugly tomboy that guys fear!"  
  
"Ise told ya before youse beautiful," he said also standing.  
  
"Spot, you should have just left me alone! I am fine alone!" I ran past him, I needed to be alone. I didn't want anyone's sympathy.  
  
I tripped after I was a long ways away from the pier. When I fell, I just sat there on the ground. My feat hurt because my shoes were still at the pier. What was I going to do? Now Spot know about my family. It was terrible. I never wanted to tell anyone. Now I am vulnerable; he saw me cry. That's worse than telling him. I stood up and whipped me face. I took in a deep breath. "I'll be just fine as long as only Spot knows, it'll be fine. Don't get caught crying again."  
  
I walked back to the lodging house. I laid on my bed and stared at the bunk above me. I thought for a long while. I took out my journal and wrote my feelings into a poem.  
  
What is wrong? What did I do? What is it about me That brings out the bad in you? You tell me I'm ugly And that I should just die. Why do you enjoy inflicting pain on me And causing me to cry? What is wrong? What did I do? I am human and have feelings Just as you do. So, why am I your target And the one you always torment Causing the love in my soul To forever remain dormant?  
  
I read my poem and closed my journal. I put it in my pillow case. I just sat there. What was I going to do? 


	6. Chapter 6

It had been two weeks, and neither Spot nor I mentioned anything about me crying at the pier. It was as if it never happened. I wanted to keep it that way. No one needed to know.  
  
I was sitting on a bench looking up into the sky after I finished selling my papes. I was looking into the magnificently blue sky. The color reminded me so much of Spot's eyes. I shook my head trying to shake the thought from me. I noticed a thick patch of grey invading the grand sky. I needed to get back to the lodging house before the storm came in.  
  
"Hey Courtney."  
  
I jumped and looked to see a boy around the age of nineteen sitting next to me. He had short black hair, brown eyes, and extremely tan skin.  
  
"Hey Greg. What the hell are you doing here?" Even though I had brownish red hair, green eyes, and a fairly pail complexion, Greg and I were still blood related.  
  
"Looking for you. I miss ya," he said rubbing my head screwing up my hair. "I haven't seen you for like a month. Mom and Dad are pissed. They said if this is an attempt to get attention, it isn't going to work."  
  
"Well it's not. I could stand living there any more, Greg. I'm not coming home. I am happy where I am." I said looking at him.  
  
"What've you been up to?" He asked looking at me curiously.  
  
"Selling papes. I'm a newsie now. I'm staying with some in one of the lodging houses," I dared not tell him exactly because I didn't want it to be given away. "Greg, don't tell Mom and Dad you saw me, please?"  
  
"Okay, I won't. I promise."  
  
"Come back any time to visit though, oh and please torture Tracey for me?"  
  
He smiled evilly. "Yeah no problem. I'll come visit and make Tracey's life a living hell." He messed up my hair again. "See ya around." He stood up and left.  
  
I stood up and headed for the direction of the lodging house. The sky started to get darker and darker. I was still a good ways away from the lodging house when the sky was completely dark and pouring. When I finally got to the lodging house, I was soaked and freezing. I walked into the bunk room and the guys all laughed at me.  
  
"Oh yes, ha ha. I'm soaked and freezing. If you ain't careful, you'll also get soaked, BY ME!" They all stopped laughing and looked a tad nervous. See? Like I said, guys fear me. I walked over to my bunk and grabbed the clothes I usually slept in. I changed and hung my wet clothes on a chair next to my bed.  
  
I sat on my bed and thought for a little while as to what had happened that day. I was willing to bet money that Greg wasn't going to tell anyone he saw me. I was also equally willing to bet he wasn't going to come back and visit. He just came looking for me because it was probably on parental commands, and they wanted the house clean. I knew for a fact they didn't miss me, for sure not me. Especially the way they treated me and talked to me. Not going back. No.  
  
I turned to my pillow and dug in my pillow case for my journal. It wasn't there. I checked my bag. It wasn't there either.  
  
"Cigar, where's my journal?" I asked turning to face Cigar sitting on his bunk next to mine.  
  
"Ise dun know. Ise promise I didn't takes it," he said looking at me with a sort of scared look as if I was going to pounce on him like a cheetah to its prey.  
  
"Thanks anyway." I went to Sneak, Tracks, Tweak, Crow, Tank, Bridge, and the other newsies seeing if any of them knew where my journal went. None did. After I asked them all and discovered none knew I was ready to cry, but I held back the urge.  
  
I sat back on my bed trying to think what I had done with it. Where could it be? I asked all the newsies, and they all had about as much of a clue as me. There was only one newsies I didn't ask.. He wasn't in the bunk room. I hadn't seen him around.  
  
"SPOT CONLON!!!!!! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU!?  
  
A/N: okay, I was sorta going over my other chapies and I realize the poem didn't come out so here it is so that you can actually see it with the lines ya know? Oh, and a special thanks to you guys who keep leaving me reviews, I love reading them. I'll keep writing as long as you keep reading.  
  
What is wrong?  
  
What did I do?  
  
What is it about me  
  
That brings out the bad in you?  
  
You tell me I'm ugly  
  
And that I should just die  
  
Why do you enoy inflicting pain on me  
  
And causing me to cry?  
  
What is wrong?  
  
What did I do?  
  
I am human and have feelings  
  
Just as you do  
  
So, why am I your target  
  
And the one you always torment  
  
Causing the love in my soul  
  
To forever remain dormant? 


	7. Chapter 7

"Where the hell is it Spot? Where the hell is my journal!?" I screamed when I found Spot downstairs.  
  
"Calm down! It's right here." He pulled my journal from his pocket. I grabbed it from his hand and smacked him hard in the face. A red mark formed instantaneously.  
  
"God damn, Lighentin. Dat hoit," Spot said rubbing his cheek.  
  
"Well good, you deserved it," I screamed at him with rage boiling through.  
  
"Why?"  
  
I looked at him baffled. "Why? WHY!? YOU STOLE THIS!!" I yelled brandishing my journal right in his face. It was kind of had to stretch for my arm to get it that high, but I managed it. "You better not have read it, Spot."  
  
"Well Ise did. Youse seem so depressed in da latta entries. Youse was so happy when ya foist got here. Ise really like dat poem, but it's so sad. Why's don't ya say anything," Spot said.  
  
"I can't believe you! Why did you read it? WHY!?" I demanded.  
  
"Ise knew ya woin't happy. Ise needed ta make sure. I knew ya wouldn't tell me yerself. Whyse do you keep it all inside? It ain't healthy to do dat," he said calmly taking a step closer to me and looking strait into my eyes. His blue eyes staring me down kept me in silence. "Ise care about ya, and I needs ta know when youse hoiting. I can tell, but youse neva say. It bodders me."  
  
"Spot, forget it. I ain't telling you shit!" I was so upset with him for stealing my journal. No matter what his intentions, he had no right!  
  
"Ise care about youse more den any of yer family eva did!" He screamed at me his already tall presence seeming to get bigger as his voice was growing with anger. I felt a tears beginning to form in my eyes. "Don't bring them into this, Spot," I said backing my voice down a little as I started to feel meek in his presence.  
  
"No. I knows dat's why youse so sad, but ya got a family dat cares. Dey are right here. It's da newsies," he said grabbing my shoulders. "Don't ya see it?"  
  
More tears started to come. I could feel them beginning to fall down my face. I guess the newsies could be considered family, but did they really care? If so, I must be blind because I can't see it. I just looked into Spot's magnificent blue eyes. I could see that he as desprate to get me to understand him, but it was so hard. "Yeah."  
  
"Sose why do ya still care about what youse 'family' said about ya? Youse beautiful, tough, and a great poisen. Youse better den dey'll eva be. It's deir loss, and da newsies gane," he said shaking me a little and never breaking the eye contact. His eyes were so radiant; I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I could see the care that was hidden behind the desperation of trying to get me to inderstand him. It was so incredible. Still it was so hard for me to believe what he was saying, after all how can someone as wonderful as him care for someone as useless as me?  
  
"Spot, I know you are trying hard to get me to understand, but I can't. I know what you are saying, but it's hard for me because I can't understand how someone can care for me when the people who gave me life can not," I said with complete sincerity in my voice and not breaking eye contact.  
  
"Ise understand, but please try ta believes me dat I rally do care." He wrapped his arms around me in a hug. I wrapped my arms around him, also, and pressed the side of my face into his chest. I could hear his heart beating. I finally had a feeling of security and love, something I have never felt before. I never wanted to let him go. 


	8. Chapter 8

It was a few days after Spot stole my journal. I now keep my journal on me at all times so no one could steal it. Spot claims I am being paranoid, but he, after all, was the one who stole it in the first place. No one could be trusted.  
  
None of the newsies knew of our encounter other than I slapped him. The red mark was still on his face the next day. I didn't realize I hit him that hard. Oh well, I still say he deserved it.  
  
I still didn't tell Spot jack shit despite his attempt to make me do otherwise. I was feeling better since he stole my journal, however, so there really wasn't much to tell. Just kind of went back to the same old same old it was at when I first got to the lodging house. I realized Spot wasn't lying to me about the way he felt, and that made me feel a lot better, after all, I did like him too. He was the only person I let see me cry. I did it twice, it was getting rather ridiculous. I don't like being vulnerable, and I certainly was with Spot.  
  
I did realize Spot cared, but I knew that he deserved much more than someone like me. I didn't deserve a guy as great as him this is why I didn't want to tell him anything more than I already have. I didn't want to get hurt more than I needed to when he found someone that he deserved. So instead of letting anyone in, I just kept up my poker face and my dry sarcasm. It was the perfect shield, and it was accepted.  
  
I didn't feel much like selling that day so I just sat on a bench. I sat there for awhile looking into the sky and thinking. I hadn't seen my brother again, and I didn't expect to.  
  
I took out a cigar, something I hadn't done in a while, and put it in my mouth. I chewed on the end of it for a bit loosing myself in my thoughts. I was thinking about all Spot had said to me. I was still having problems taking parts of it in. I don't know how long I was sitting there thinking about Spot, my family, the newsies, and myself, but the next thing I realized was that the sky was getting dark. I never even lit my cigar.  
  
When I got back to the lodging house, I could feel excitement in the air. All the newsies were talking excitedly and sort of hushed. What was going on?  
  
"What's going on?" I asked Tweak.  
  
"Wese got a new newsies," he answered getting ready for bed.  
  
"And you're all this excited about it?" I was surprised. I thought they would have to give the guy a hard time and put him through torture and stuff before he could be accepted.  
  
"It's a goil, and she's goigeous." Tweak had a bit of a twinkle in his eyes.  
  
My heart sank. This was wonderful, a gorgeous female newsies. Spot was sure to take her over me. I just knew it. Hey, I said Spot deserved better, and I guess here it is. Well, yay. At least one of us will be happy. "How gorgeous?" I was curious to know, I wanted to know how beautiful this girl was so that I knew what I was for sure up against.  
  
"Whyse don't ya see fer youse self?" Tweak said. "Come on, Ise'll intraduce ya." He led me over to a girl about my height. She had long flowing brown hair and beautiful eyes. Two points up for her, two down for me. She also had a big chest, it stood out, no one could help but notice it, and a good figure. Great, another two points for her, and two less for me. I was no competition, she already one.  
  
"Lightenin dis is Faith. Faith this is Lightenin." Tweak introduced us.  
  
"Nice to meet you," I said in the politest voice I could muster. I had to try very hard to try and surpress the anger and jealousy I was feeling. I didn't want to hate her right away, she deserved a chance like averyone else, besides it would be kind of nice having another girl around to talk to even if she was a lot higher on the scale than me.  
  
"Nice to meet you too," Faith said in a very nice tone, one I hadn't expected. She sounded like she new instantly what I was thinking. weird. I was glad she didn't have the "Ha, I'm better than you" tone, because I wanted to give her a chance, especially if she was going to end up with Spot. I wanted to get along with my best friend's girlfriend.  
  
"I am rather tired, nice meeting you. Good night." With that I was off in the direction of my bunk. I sat down on my bunk and took out my journal, not even changing out of my clothes.  
  
August 1, 1900 Dear Journal,  
  
We have a new newsie here in Brooklyn. Her name is Faith. She is gorgeous as Tweak so kindly put it. I have no chance with Spot any more. She out scores me in every aspect. No matter how jealous I am of her I am going to try my hardest to be nice. I don't want to get her on my bad side all because of a guy. I mean, any guy would choose her over me any day, so it didn't really matter. I assume this is just God's way of telling me I don't need anyone. I get it God, I finally got the message. Well if you would excuse me, I need sleep. Good night. Courtney  
  
I put my journal in my pillow case and laid down. I pulled the covers up over my head. I buried my head in my pillow and cried silently. I knew I didn't stand a chance. I lost the one thing I finally found. This is why I didn't want to let him in. I didn't want to be vulnerable and get hurt, and look what happened? I'm getting hurt. 


	9. Chapter 9

"You know Faith, when I first met you I was extremely jealous of you and your looks. I mean, you got all those guys who like you." Faith and I were sitting on my bed in the bunk room chatting.  
It was two weeks since she got here. We had become good friends. She was a wonderful person and hilarious. Turns out her parents died in a fire, and she didn't want to live in the orphanage; that's why she came here.  
I haven't told her yet that I liked Spot, but I was planning on doing it soon. It was weird; I somehow found it very easy to trust her. Maybe it was because she was so much like myself. We may never know..  
"The only problem is I don't know if guys like me for me or just these!" Faith responded pointing at her boobs and laughing hysterically.  
I laughed too. "Guys really suck. Oh well, life goes on."  
"Yeah they do, but as long as we stick together we'll be fine," she said smiling.  
"Yep!" I gave her a hug and yawned. "I think we should get to bed. After all, we need to get up early to sell papes." I stuck out my tongue in play disgust.  
"Yeah, you're right. Besides, I gotta sell with Spot tomorrow, and I do not want a rude awakening." Faith said with more laughter escaping her.  
"Yeah, rude awakenings are not ever good here.." I said remembering when Sneak woke me up by screaming in my ear. "Good night." I gave her another hug.  
"Night."  
  
I finished selling my papers early that day. I wanted to go to the pier and relax with my feet in the water and listening to the waves. I always loved that. When I got there, I saw Spot and Faith on the crates. I think Spot said something funny because I saw Faith laugh really hard. When she stopped, I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Spot grabbed her face and leaned in. They were kissing. Not just kissing though, but kissing passionately.  
I gaped at them, tears forming in my eyes. But I thought Spot cared for me. I thought I felt it when I was around him. I thought he might.. I guess I was wrong. I was right, however, about him falling for Faith. Of course it would, because every great thing that is given to me is taken away just as quickly.  
I couldn't handle the betrayal and hate that was welling in my system, so I ran. I was crying uncontrollably and could hardly see where I was going. All I knew of was that I wanted to leave Brooklyn as fast as I could. I ran over the Brooklyn Bridge and into Manhattan.  
I didn't know what I was going to do, or where I was going to go. I really didn't care then. If know one else cared about me, why should I? I just wandered along lost in my thoughts. I never wanted to see Spot or Brooklyn again. I wanted to erase it from my memory. The tears were not falling so heavily now, and I was now thinking of Faith. I couldn't be mad at her, she didn't know.  
I walked right into someone because, being the ditz that I am, I wasn't watching where I was going. "Oh, I'm so sorry!"  
"Lightenin?" 


	10. Chapter 10

A/N- I wanted to apologize to all of you who are reading my story. I feel so bad that I haven't had a chance to update for over a month. I felt so bad I wrote two chapters for you guys and dedicate them to you! I promise I will update every weekend now. Merp, Angelfish7, anUNDERCOVERnewsie, and Sarah Kate, I would like to give a special thankz to you guys, and I promise I will give you like chocolate or something really good if you guys keep reviewing! Lol. Ok I think I babbled on long enough; I hope you like it!! Sorry I forgot to do this on the first chapie, but I had to add an A/N. Ok, know enjoy!!  
  
_________  
  
"Huh?" I now actually gave a look at who I had run into. It was Racetrack.  
"What are youse doing here in Manhattan?" he asked giving me a curious look.  
"Uh. I don't know, but I don't want to go back to Brooklyn," I said sort of shakey. My mind was still over flowing with thoughts and emotions that I felt like I might burst.  
"What happened?" Race said sounding concerned.  
"Nothing. Look, Race, please don't say anything to Spot if he comes, ok?" I didn't feel like explaining my situation, but I also did not want to deal with Spot anytime soon if not ever.  
Race nodded looking confused but didn't question me.  
"Do you have room in the lodging house? I was kinda wondering if I could stay with you guys for awhile." I didn't really want to stay out on the strees, but I also hated asking for things like this. I knew, however, the wouldn't have a problem with me. Or at least I HOPED they didn't.  
"Ise tink so."  
Race took me to the Manhattan lodging house. He directed me to a bunk that did not look occupied.  
"Here's where youse'll sleep. Me bunk is two down, and Jack's is da one to ya right," Race said point to his bed and then to Jack's.  
I nodded and sat on my new bunk. I reached into my pocket to retrieve my journal. "Oh hell no.." I had forgotten to take my journal out of my pillowcase that morning. That meant my journal was still in Brooklyn.  
"What is it?" Race asked looking at me.  
"I forgot my journal in Brooklyn." My heart sank. I lost my only true friend, for there was no way in hell I was going to go back to Brooklyn.  
"Well, wese should go see Jack and da odder boys sose dey know what's goin on." He offered me his hand to help me off of the bunk. I took it.  
We were walking on the street in silence for awhile when a question struck me. "Where are we going?"  
"Oh, ta Tibby's," Race answered in a nonchalant tone. But in answering my question, he aroused another.  
"What's Tibby's?"  
Race looked at me a bit taken aback by my lack of knowledge. "It's a restaurant."  
"Oh, okay."  
When we got toe Tibby's, I recognized a few faces from the poker night in the Brooklyn lodging house. I saw jack sitting at a table with Kid Blink, I recognized the eye patch.  
"Hey, Cowboy," Race said walking to the table where Jack and Blink were seated. I fallowed obediently. "Look who's here."  
Jack looked at Race and then to me. He smiled a sweet and gorgeous smile. "Heya, Lightenin. What youse doing here?"  
I shrugged. I wasn't certain as to why I ran to Manhattan. I just know I ran from Brooklyn, and I did NOT want to go back. "I need a place to stay. I was wondering if it I could stay with you guys, and Jack, please, if anyone from Brooklyn comes around say you haven't seen me, please."  
Jack and Blink both looked at me curiously, but neither asked any questions. "Alright," Jack said.  
"Thanks, Jack." I turned to face Racetrack. "Hey Race, do you think you coulde show me around Manhattan so I can get used to it and kinda know where I am going when I am selling?"  
His face lit up in a smile. "Sure, Ise'll take ya where eva ya wanna go."  
"Race, youse know when ta be back, sose mak sure ta be back." Jack said commandingly.  
"Sure ting, Jackey. We'll se ya lata."  
"Yep, see ya round Jack!"  
When we got outside of Tibby's, Race turned to me and asked, "Wheres do ya wanna go?"  
"I don't know. Any good places in particular?"  
"Yeah." I saw Race's face light in excitement. "Sheep's Head Races. Ya wanna go?"  
"No. I don't care much for horse racing," I said in a quiet voice. The terrible memory of my family came into my mind. My parents loved to bid on those races.  
Race looked little hurt. "Okay, well den I'll just show ya round the streets and Central Park."  
"Sound's great. Sorry about not wanting to go to Sheep's Head Races." I felt bad because I could tell he took it to heart. Must have been how he got his nickname.  
"It don't matter. Now let's get goin so we can get back to da lodging hose by dark."  
I nodded and we headed off. I had a lot of fun with Race. He showed me around Central Park, and he took me to the distribution center. When we were heading back to the lodging house near the end of the day, I found myself pouring my heart out to Racetrack without even realizing what I was doing.  
"I ran from home because no one there cared for me. Spot let me stay in the lodging house and be a newsie. After awhile I started to like that arrogant bastard. He told me I was beautiful and that he cared for me. He found me crying at the pier, and I ended up telling him all of how I felt. Later he stole my journal because he knew I was depressed and wouldn't tell him. When he confronted me, I broke down in tears again. He claimed he cared more than any of my family did. I was gullible enough to believe that shit! Then, a new newsis named Faith came. She IS absolutely perfect to any guy tht sees her, but Spot didn't seem to take notice, until I found the kissing on the crates at the Brooklyn Pier today," when I finished I was out of breath from talking so fast. It felt good to get my feelings out. However, I was on the verge of tears.  
  
"Now Ise Understand why ya don't want us ta say antin ta Brooklyn about youse being here," Race said in a comforting voice and wrapping his arm around my shoulders.  
  
"Yeah," I said simply. I didn't understand. What had I done wrong, first my family, now Spot? Everything is just falling apart.  
  
"Youse didn't do anything wrong," Race said. He stopped walking and put his hands on both of my shoulders. I looked at him baffled. How did he know what I was thinking?  
  
"Spot goes trough goils pretty fast. He breaks a lotta hearts." He let my shoulders go and straightened himself. "Ise not surah if he even really relizes how me he led ya, but it was coitenly clear at da poka game."  
  
"W-what?" I was totally surprise at that coment.  
  
"Yeah, he was telling us about how wondaful ya were before he called youse over. Neva hoid him brag about a goil like dat, and when youse sat on Cowboy's lap. Ooooo did he look likeh e was gonna pelt him, but coise he held back da oige."  
  
My jaw dropped, but then my heart sank. "But that was like a month or so ago Race. Now he met Faith. I'm nothing." I trailed off getting absorbed in seeing that kiss play back in my head. Damn it hurt to think about; I basically felt my heart breaking.  
  
"Ise don't tink dat's da case," Race said screwing up his face in an expression I couldn't make out.  
  
"Huh?" I didn't get it. If Race saw Faith, he would know why I felt like this.  
  
"You'll see. Now, let's get bad to da lodging house so Jackey-boy can't kill me." 


	11. Chapter 11

I woke up the next morning to an empty lodging house. I was actually glad because I wanted to keep to myself. I was very frustrated because I didn't have my journal to log everything that going on into it. I was really having an etching to write in it. It's almost like it was an addiction.  
  
I was thinking about all that was going on and I couldn't help but scream. "Why now? Why does this have to happen now?!" I thought letting Spot into my heart would do me good but it did not. It brought me pain and heartache. He shattered it into a thousand pieces with one simple gesture.  
  
I whispered quietly to myself. "Why was it Spot that had to betray me? Why not Cigar or Tweak or someone else?"  
  
"Because Spot cared about ya just as much as youse did him."  
  
I jumped and turned around to see who made the comment. My eyes were greeted by Racetrack standing in the doorway of the bunk room.  
  
"What are you doing here Race?" I asked him outraged that he heard what I said. It is embarrassing have people walking in on you in the middle of the beginning of a mental breakdown.  
  
"Ise came ta see if youse was awake yet," Race said in answer to my question. He smiled and walked over to my bed; he sat next to me on my bunk.  
  
"Well I think I'm awaked."  
  
"No, Ise tink youse still sleeping cuz yer still tinkin bout Spot. Just get him off yer mind and try ta have fun." Race said standing up and offering me his hand to help me up. "I'll take ya ta Tibby's sose you can get reacquainted wit da boys."  
  
I took his hand and stood up. "Okay, Race. I'll try and have some fun."  
  
Race smiled and dragged me to the door. "Den let's go!"  
  
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __ _ _ _ _ _ _ A/N- I know this chapter is short, but I already know what I am putting in my next chapie and I promise it will be much longer. Special thanks to: anUNDERCOVERnewsie- You know I ALWAYS win. And Spot's right, I ain't no scabber!!! LOVE YOU SWEETIE!! Merp- Please don't send the Mafia on me!!! I am afraid of big scarey Italian men that want to kill me!!! Race is the best. *dreamy eyes* BrooklynzGurl- Glad you like it. Patients is a virtue... Katie- I love stories that get you sucked into them. They are the best! I am glad you are enjoying my story and I hope you like this chapie! I dedicate this chapie to all my loyal readers and reviewers. I'd just like to say I LOVE reviews. Yes well, until next time. THAT'S ALL FOLKS! 


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